Striving to be your best is a perfectly normal and beneficial concept. However, so much anxiety can stem from perfectionism. When you are not meeting the unrealistic standards you set for yourself, you might end up spiraling into negative self-talk and generally unproductive feelings. The reality for many people is that anxiety about succeeding might start mildly. It might simply start with nerves, but it can escalate into full-blown anxiety if not properly addressed.
The desire to be perfect is a strength, yet also a weakness. If you put so much effort into trying to be perfect, you are taking away the effort you could be using to pursue other activities you enjoy. If you want to achieve a lot while also being perfect at everything you do, you will realistically have to accept that your best is good enough! Not every single thing you do has to be flawless, and learning to accept that is crucial.
Even though perfectionists are often high-achievers, they are also at risk for eating disorders, sexual dysfunction, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and divorce. Striving to do everything flawlessly leads to a life of constant anxiety and an overwhelming sense of failure. Even if you succeed, you might still feel unsatisfied.
Many perfectionists engage in all-or-nothing thinking that has been labeled as the "just right" phenomenon. If a certain thing isn’t “just right”, those who have perfectionist tendencies might immediately disengage. For example, if a marriage starts becoming more difficult, a perfectionist might have the urge to immediately get a divorce.
Not all perfectionism is the same. Some perfectionists are self-motivated. Other perfectionists have the feeling that the world has imposed some kind of standard on them to be flawless. Some perfectionists extend this mindset to those close to them, also expecting those around them to be perfect.
The first step to overcoming this mindset is to manage your expectations for yourself. No one is going to be flawless at everything. It is unrealistic for a human being to be good at every single thing. Expecting that from yourself does nothing but lead you to burnout and a lowered sense of self-worth.
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself because it matters. Negative self-talk might seem so insignificant. You are saying these things within the safety of your mind, after all. However, harsh and rude language to yourself is damaging. If you feel yourself being negative towards yourself when you don't meet your standard, ask yourself if you’d speak to your best friend this way. If the answer is no, adjust your thinking. Be nice to yourself even if your best isn’t flawless.
Try doing things you enjoy but don’t feel adequate at, and let that task be subpar. Whether it’s a new sport or a new craft, enjoy the journey of doing the thing instead of how well you are doing it. This can allow you to practice being gentle with yourself in a setting you likely view as lower-stakes.
Practice self-forgiveness. Instead of being angry with yourself for not doing an activity perfectly, forgive yourself and remind yourself that you tried your best. Trying your best is all you can do. If you practiced your hardest and did your best, there’s nothing more you could have done. Accept that and move on.
Continue trying to do your best, but make sure it doesn’t escalate into perfectionism so intense that it is actively lowering your self-worth. If you feel yourself spiraling because you are not meeting unrealistic expectations you’ve set for yourself, try reaching out to a therapist to help you manage these feelings. Remember that you are a human being, and your best IS enough.