It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To!

 The Benefits of Crying

 “There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.”

That quote by Washington Irving is one of the truest things I have ever heard.  Have you ever had such a good cry that you felt so much better when you were done?  That’s because crying, in itself, is very healing.  It takes strength to heal and there is such a strength in both allowing yourself to cry and in getting up, wiping your eyes, dusting yourself off and moving on from the moment that dropped you to your knees.

We all cry for different reasons.  Tears show up with happiness, sorrow, fear, anxiety, gratitude, frustration, laughter, surprise, and any other emotion you can think of.  Tears even show up without any emotion at all.

There are three types of tears.  The first is Reflex Tears.  These tears are what happens when your body needs to clear debris, such as dust, pollen or smoke, from your eyes.  This helps to protect them from damage. The second kind of tears are known as Continuous Tears.  Continuous tears continuously moisten your eyes, preventing infection.  These tears contain 98 percent water.  The third type of tear is Emotional Tears.  These tears contain stress hormones and other toxins, which could be why we feel better after an emotional cry, studies suggest, but more research needs to be done on that finding.

There are many ways tears, or crying, is beneficial to us throughout our life besides aiding in the detoxification.  Crying helps soothe pain, regulate the body, enhance mood, relieve stress, nutrient support, process emotion, promote bonding and enhance vision.  In fact, babies’ muscles are built when they are crying.  It is their first workout!

One of the best things about crying is the emotional relief you feel.  It can be so beneficial to just have a good cry.  Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins which aid in us feeling better.  In fact, it has been studied that crying in a counseling or psychotherapy session “has a better therapy outcome, as facilitation of emotional expression is an important step in successful therapy.” According to Psychology Today.

So, go ahead, don’t fear crying!  It’s good for you!

I'm Sorry but Your Apology Sucks

How to effectively apologize when you have wronged someone.

I know you’ve experienced it because we all have… an apology that leaves the situation unresolved and feelings still hurt.   We have likely been on both the giving and receiving sides of an inadequate apology.  The giver could have been very sincere but the sentiment wasn’t communicated appropriately so hard feelings are left festering and an issue is never truly resolved.

A good apology builds bridges in a relationship that can have a legacy impact.  Not only do they promote healing and growth for both parties but they show self-awareness, humility and bravery.  It takes courage to effectively apologize.

The truth is that many of us have never been taught the correct way to apologize.  I remember being a child and being forced to say “I’m sorry” and then hug it out with a sibling.  I don’t believe I was sincere in a single one of those apologies.  My siblings knew I wasn’t sincere.  It was forced.  It was a short phrase just said to get out of an uncomfortable situation.  How much of that “lesson in apologizing” has carried on into adulthood?

Apologizing is an uncomfortable thing to do in general.  When we apologize, we automatically admit fault and no one really enjoys admitting they were wrong.  We want this situation to be over quickly and go back to the way things were, as if we never wronged someone to begin with.  Apologize quickly.  Pretend like it never happened.  Smile and move on because the “Sorry” made it all better.  However, we all know it doesn’t really work like that.

So, for all of the people who have never been taught the right way to apologize, we have some pointers for you.  It may be scary to do at first but it will get better the more you do it.  And let’s face it, we’re all human so we’ll have plenty of chances to practice apologizing appropriately and effectively.  

1)      Acknowledgement

you are sorry for, and name, the offense that occurred.  There is no true apology unless you specifically acknowledge the wrong doing and how it has affected the other party.

2)      Acceptance

Take responsibility.  You are the one apologizing, own up to your actions.  No effective apology should include the word “but.”  The word “but” negates everything said before it, therefore removing yourself from the responsibility of your actions.

3)      Amends   

At the end of an apology, you must be able to offer a clear plan to rectify the situation and be able to list ways to ensure that it will never happen again.

Going into an apology, remember that people have different points of view and see things differently.  What may not bother or upset you, could be a large issue to others.  It’s important to approach an apology being mindful of other’s feelings about the situation, focused on the conversation and situation at hand, sincere in your apology and intentional to create a bridge in the conflict. 

Examples

General Example:  I’m sorry for____.  I should not have _____.  I will_____ to make sure this doesn’t happen in the future.  Please accept my apology.

Real-life Example:  I’m sorry I let the boss think I did the work on this project.  It was wrong of me to not correct him and take all of the credit.  I know I hurt you and that it may be hard for you trust me on a project again. You should have received the credit and I take full responsibility for not speaking up.  I will let the boss know that the majority of the project was all you and to make sure this doesn’t happen again I will give due credits at the beginning of the presentations.  Please accept my apology.

Taste Test

How we use our sense of taste during fight or flight and how to use it to relieve stress.

Last but not least!  We have arrived at the end of our series about the body’s increased senses during the fight or flight response and how we can use the senses to help us calm down in times of stress.  This final blog in the series will focus on the fascinating sense of taste.

Taste has long been used to describe emotions such as “sweet as pie,” “a bitter pill to swallow,” and “attitude sour as a lemon” so it’s no wonder why we can associate our sense of taste to relieving stresses.  The bigger question is how the body uses taste in the fight or flight response.

Our prehistoric ancestors used first, smell and then taste to determine what is healthy for us to eat.  If it was bitter or sour, we stayed away because it could have been perceived as dangerous.  Sweet, salty and savory were deemed as beneficial to us and packed with nutrients.  Taste was, and is still used, to aid in survival however, that is not a fight or flight scenario.  Actually, there have been no studies pertaining to the relation between our sense of taste and the fight or flight response.

As you may know, taste involves our sense of smell.  A lesser-known fact is that it also involves our hearing!  So, when it comes to stressors and our sense of taste, things get a little more complicated in how our body reacts.

If you’ve read the previous four blog posts then you’ll remember that during fight or flight, the body’s sympathetic nervous system is triggered and gives the body extra sensitivity and energy to respond to perceived dangers.  With our sight, it triggers us to pick up on visual cues more, or may have us not seeing anything at all, depending on the threat and how our body chooses to cope… fight or flight.  With our hearing, the reaction can cause us to be more sensitive to sound and with smell, it can trigger memory recall.  With taste, both our senses of smell and hearing must be activated in order to activate our sense of taste.

Tho there has been no studies done pertaining to the relation of the body’s fight or flight response and the sense of taste, however, they have studied the effects of acute stress and taste.  They have found that when people are experiencing stress, their sense of taste is impaired due to certain hormone receptors being activated.  They don’t know exactly why, but this receptor activation causes the tastebuds to lose the sensations of sweet and salty.  The inability to pick up on these tastes might be a contributing factor to stress eating and not being able to eat while stressed.

The good thing is that our sense of taste has been proven to help relieve stress.  Chewing a piece of sugarless gum is a very common way of relieving stress.  You might even do without knowing that you’re using it in therapeutic way.  Not on the taste, but the repetitive motion of chewing helps relieve stress drastically.

Another way to use taste to relieve stress is to taste things with specific flavors and savor them.  Dark chocolate is a great thing to snack on and savor, concentrating on not only the taste, but the texture and scent, also.  Rich and flavorful fruits such as mangos, papayas, strawberries and raspberries are all wonderful fruits to focus on and savor to help relieve your stress.

There’s a reason they refer to strong emotions as flavors.

Stop and Smell the Roses

How our sense of smell reacts to fight or flight and how to harness it’s calming power.

So far in this series we’ve covered 3 of the 5 senses.  Sight, hearing and touch.  This brings us to, quite possibly, the most fascinating one; our sense of smell.

What you might not know is that studies have shown that our sense of smell is the most accurate and fastest sense we have when it comes to detecting threats and recalling memories.  It is also our most primitive sense.

The part of our brain that picks up scent is our olfactory bulb.  When it smells something, it sends it to the part of our brain where emotions are processed called the amygdala and also the part where memories are recalled, the hippocampus. This very reason is why some realtors will bake chocolate chip cookies in a house they are showing because it triggers the easy feeling of home or they will use the of smell of cinnamon to automatically put potential buyers in a cheery and festive mood and they will automatically imagine festive holidays in the home. 

Even department stores are known to manipulate our emotions and actions through our sense of smell.  Studies have shown that warm scents, such as vanilla and cinnamon, and simple clean scents like orange and lemon will have shoppers staying longer and buying more.

In fight or flight, the accuracy of our sense of smell is invaluable.

Take smoke, for example.  If our olfactory bulb picks up the smell of smoke, it will process the information and trigger our amygdala to kickstart our feeling of fear and anxiety, thus sending us into fight or flight mode where we will escape danger and protect ourselves.

Scent can bring about memories of traumatic events by triggering memories as well.  Such as someone getting a whiff of the same cologne that their attacker was wearing or the smell of burning rubber could trigger memories of a car accident.

In the same way our sense of smell can be used to manipulate us, protect us or trigger memories, it can also be used to calm us when we are stressed or angry.

There are very many scents that calm us such as chamomile, vanilla, lavender, jasmine, peppermint and bergamot; and scents that make us happy such as citrus, rose, Ylang-ylang and Neroli. The best part about using our sense of smell to calm us is that you can find your own scent that triggers good and calming emotions according to your memory.  Maybe it’s a scent that reminds you of your mother’s shampoo when you were young and sitting on her lap.  It could be the smell of a garage that triggers memories of your father.  It could be something that smells like outside, cooking or a classroom project from third grade. 

Mine is the smell of an air freshener that they don’t make anymore.  Every once in a while, I find an off-brand candle that will carry that smell and I just have to get it because it brings me back to memories spent with my grandmother.

Whatever scent or scents you choose, you can’t go wrong as long as it brings you to a happy place, calms you, or provides you with pleasant memories to put you at ease.

I'm Touched

How our sense of touch is heightened during times of stress and how we can use it to relieve stress.

Throughout this blog series, we have come acknowledge that ongoing stress is harmful to our bodies, but our bodies are also amazing creations that use perceived harm or fear as a way to trigger a response that heightens our senses in order to utilize them more adequately so we can be safe.

 The sensation of touch is no different than our other senses.  When we are stressed, our body produces epinephrine and norepinephrine and these hormones cause our hearts to beat faster and push blood into our organs faster.  So, it’s no surprise our sense of touch is heightened, being that our skin is our largest organ.  Our sense of touch is mediated by mechanosensory neurons that are embedded in our skin and relay signals to the central nervous system.  When we are stressed or in a fight, flight or freeze response, these nerves in our skin are so much more alert because of the amount of blood supplied to our nerves.

Our nerves being more alert also help us utilize ways to calm ourselves.  Some of the best ways to use touch in order to calm ourselves is by giving a self-massage.  You can choose to massage areas that are sore or areas that are you favorite to receive a massage, however, there are areas that are known to relieve stress when massaged or pressed.  Rubbing or pressing “pressure points” are known to have great benefits.  Massaging wrists in a firm, circular motion will result in calming a racing heart and rubbing or gently tugging on your earlobes will relieve mental and physical stress.

 Another way of utilizing our sense of touch to relieve stress is to take a warm bath.  The warmth and motion of the water tends to be soothing.  Pay attention to the sensations as you move your limbs in the water.  Pay attention to whirling when you lift your arm, slide your toes in and out of the water and feel the sensation of the warmth of the water versus the cool of the air, gently move your hand back and forth throughout the water; is there a warm spot or cool spot?  Take note and let your body and mind calm down.  One of my favorite ways to ensure I calm down is staying the bath as the water drains.  I feel the water line slowly going lower and imagine it taking my stress away with it. 

 Utilizing cool temperatures is a known way to calm down.  Make an ice pack and place it on your chest will relieve stress and anxiety. Not only does the cold help but the weight of it also helps the same way a weighted blanket is known to calm us down.  Just make sure you have a cloth barrier to prevent any skin damage. 

The change is sensation from different materials can also help us calm down and take our minds off of stress. This idea is the reasoning behing sensory tables. Walk thru sand, or go barefoot on the grass. You can use something soft and gently rub it on your arm and then rub something quite rough across your arm after. Simply the change in texture can be a big stress reliever!

There are so many ways to use our sense of touch and feeling in order to calm down.  The best way to calm yourself is to have practiced first.  Which idea will you practice first?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

How our brain processes sound during high stress and how we can use sound to calm ourselves down.

Have you ever seen a movie, show or video game where they show a panic or fight or flight situation through the character’s eyes?  Or maybe you’ve been a such a situation yourself.  At first everything is so loud.  You can hear everything.  You hear people talking in a distance, you can hear traffic and birds and babies crying all at the same time.  You may hear a crash or footsteps.  Possible fighting or gun violence.  You can hear everything as though it’s right next to you.  Then the panic is over, the sounds seem to be quieter or gone all together and what you’re left with is the sound of your own breathing and your heartbeat seems to be coming from your inside your head.

Hollywood has done a fabulous job portraying an internal reaction because that is VERY realistic interpretation of the body’s amazing way it processes noise and sound in a high stress situation.  In fight or flight, your heart rate increases, your oxygen flow increases to your major muscles, your pain receptors weaken and perception drops, and your hearing sharpens.  This all happens so that we can have the quickest and most accurate reaction to a perceived threat so that we can get ourselves to safety.

In the midst of stress, blood not only flows to your major muscles but also to your eardrum, specifically the middle ear where there are three tiny bones that push sound to a fluid filled chamber called the cochlea.  The cochlea in lined with tiny little hairs that bend and vibrate when sound waves hit them.  These hairs convert the sound waves into an electrical signal.

During the process these little hairs swell with the blood to better process sound, which causes those far off noises, like babies crying and cars honking, to sound closer.  This is also the reason that once the stress is over, the sound of your heartbeat seems to be coming from inside your head.  It the sound of the pulsating blood flow in those little hairs.

Though the auditory fight or flight response is helpful in times of high stress, this reaction can be engaged with ongoing stress and anxiety, and can negatively impact the health of our ears as time goes on.  So, what do we do when we need to reduce stress and how can we do it using our sense of hearing?

The following tips are great ways to use auditory sensory to reduce stress:

1)      Listen for the quietest sounds you can hear such as the humming of a furnace, someone breathing, the tick of clock or the buzz of the electricty.  Concentrate on each sound and count how many “silent” sounds you hear.

2)      Play binaural beats.  This type of music is specifically designed to calm people.  It is best to use listen through headphones, while laying down. YouTube offers a wide selection of binaural beats for free.

3)      Listen to classical music.  Classical music has been proven by multiple studies to calm down anxiety, reduce heart rate, lower cortisol levels and increase blood flow to the brain.

4)      Listen to a crackling fire.  Not only does the sight of a fire trigger an entrancing effect but so does the sound of the crackling.  Even listening to a recording of a crackling fire has an extremely calming effect on nerves.

5)      Listen to a story being read aloud.  There are plenty of apps for audible stories but there are also apps specifically designed to use talking and story telling as an anxiety reducing tool. 

6)      White noise sounds are a great way to reduce stress.  You can find white noise recordings on YouTube or you can just simply run a fan or vacuum for the real auditory sensation

So what ways are you wanting to try or what has worked for you in the past to use our sense of hearing to help calm you and relieve stress and anxiety?How our brain processes stress and how we can use sound to calm ourselves down.

Have you ever seen a movie, show or video game where they show a panic or fight or flight situation through the character’s eyes?  Or maybe you’ve been a such a situation yourself.  At first everything is so loud.  You can hear everything.  You hear people talking in a distance, you can hear traffic and birds and babies crying all at the same time.  You may hear a crash or footsteps.  Possible fighting or gun violence.  You can hear everything as though it’s right next to you.  Then the panic is over, the sounds seem to be quieter or gone all together and what you’re left with is the sound of your own breathing and your heartbeat seems to be coming from your inside your head.

Hollywood has done a fabulous job portraying an internal reaction because that is VERY realistic interpretation of the body’s amazing way it processes noise and sound in a high stress situation.  In fight or flight, your heart rate increases, your oxygen flow increases to your major muscles, your pain receptors weaken and perception drops, and your hearing sharpens.  This all happens so that we can have the quickest and most accurate reaction to a perceived threat so that we can get ourselves to safety.

In the midst of stress, blood not only flows to your major muscles but also to your eardrum, specifically the middle ear where there are three tiny bones that push sound to a fluid filled chamber called the cochlea.  The cochlea in lined with tiny little hairs that bend and vibrate when sound waves hit them.  These hairs convert the sound waves into an electrical signal.

During the process these little hairs swell with the blood to better process sound, which causes those far off noises, like babies crying and cars honking, to sound closer.  This is also the reason that once the stress is over, the sound of your heartbeat seems to be coming from inside your head.  It the sound of the pulsating blood flow in those little hairs.

Though the auditory fight or flight response is helpful in times of high stress, this reaction can be engaged with ongoing stress and anxiety, and can negatively impact the health of our ears as time goes on.  So, what do we do when we need to reduce stress and how can we do it using our sense of hearing?

The following tips are great ways to use auditory sensory to reduce stress:

1)      Listen for the quietest sounds you can hear such as the humming of a furnace, someone breathing, the tick of clock or the buzz of the electricty.  Concentrate on each sound and count how many “silent” sounds you hear.

2)      Play binaural beats.  This type of music is specifically designed to calm people.  It is best to use listen through headphones, while laying down. YouTube offers a wide selection of binaural beats for free.

3)      Listen to classical music.  Classical music has been proven by multiple studies to calm down anxiety, reduce heart rate, lower cortisol levels and increase blood flow to the brain.

4)      Listen to a crackling fire.  Not only does the sight of a fire trigger an entrancing effect but so does the sound of the crackling.  Even listening to a recording of a crackling fire has an extremely calming effect on nerves.

5)      Listen to a story being read aloud.  There are plenty of apps for audible stories but there are also apps specifically designed to use talking and story telling as an anxiety reducing tool. 

6)      White noise sounds are a great way to reduce stress.  You can find white noise recordings on YouTube or you can just simply run a fan or vacuum for the real auditory sensation

So what ways are you wanting to try or what has worked for you in the past to use our sense of hearing to help calm you and relieve stress and anxiety?

I Spy with My Little Eye

How we use sight during stress and to relieve it.

Stress impacts your vision in a variety of ways.  Continued and on-going stress can lead to dry eyes, eye strain, blurred vision, double vision and eye twitching.  But something amazing happens during acute, onset stress… during emergency situations.

During high stress times and danger, our fight or flight responses kick in.  Our blood gets pushed to our sensory receptors and the brain. Our senses are heightened so we have a better ability to recognize perceived danger and we can prepare to escape or deal with the stressor head on.

When our vision is heightened, it is because the stress has pushed blood into the eyeballs causing the pupils to dilate to allow more light in, so you can better see potential threats.  The rise in our stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, place extra pressure on the eyes, heightening your ability to see even more.

Too much of this reaction is not good… so how can we, in turn, use our vision to calm ourselves down?  How do we use our vision to destress from our regular day to day so that our bodies are not affected negatively from a chronic rise in cortisol and adrenaline?

Below, I’ve listed a few ways you can use your vision to relax from daily stress, anxiety and fear.

1.      Look for things that are a specific color.  Count how many things you can see of that color, still not calmed?  Move on to another color and count that.  You should soon have your mind off of the stressor and your heart rate should start to slow and your stress reactions start to subside.

2.      Fires. Looking at camp fires or turning on the fireplace in your home is a great way to soothe yourself visually and calm down.  Watching a fire has been scientifically proven to quickly lower our blood pressure, put us in a trance like state and open our minds to deep intellectual conversation.  It also lowers our blood pressure, promoting relaxation and pro-social experiences.  It is extremely effective in reducing anxiety.

3.      Fractals, or never-ending patterns have an incredible calming effect. Studies show that looking at patterns increase alpha brain waves, as well as blood flow, to areas of the brain that regulate emotions.  “Magic Eye” images are a great way to integrate fractals with concentration, deeply relieving anxiety and stress.

4.      Certain colors have a soothing effect in calming your mind and body down.

-Blue is a very calming color proven to slow heart rate, lower blood pressure and reduce anxiety.  Look up to the sky to get the quickest fix of calming blue.

-Green is a great color for relaxation because it connects our minds to nature.  Green is one of the most comforting colors to attract harmonious feelings and diffuse anxiety.

-White. An absence of color is proven to give you clarity of thought, allowing you to think through your emotions and promote relaxation.  It is also void of distraction if you find yourself in an all white room, allowing you to concentrate on self-comfort with breathing techniques, thought management and meditation.

5.  Look at nature, or pictures of nature.  If you can’t get outside to be in a natural environment, look at visually calming pictures of the natural world.  The National Geographic website has stunning pictures from all around the world that are sure to calm you down.

Now that you have a few ideas on how to use our vision to calm down, try a new technique the next time you feel the day to day pressures of life building up. 

Blog Series: The Big Five

USING OUR 5 SENSES TO CALM DOWN, RELIEVE STRESS AND KEEP IT TOGETHER

Every day we are bombarded with things that can cause us stress.  Sometimes we feel it building up throughout the day and other times it hits us fast and unexpectedly.  Little things that get on your nerves or big things that are emotional and draining.  Sometimes it’s the people you’re around or you have some compounded personal problems that need be dealt with.  Maybe there’s just too little time in your day to get everything done that you need to get done.  To put it simply, stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation.

According to the Mayo Clinic, stress heightens your risk of strokes, high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes.  It also affects us in other, more noticeable ways.  It can interfere with our logical thinking and problem-solving abilities, our short-term memory, cognitive ability, sleep, digestion, sexual drive and it can weaken the immune system.

Every living thing is designed to handle outside stressors in different way.  Like the fainting goat, the salamander that loses it’s tail, or the tree that drops it’s leaves in order to save the trunk, the human body is designed to handle stress and react to it in order to survive the stressor and grow stronger from it.  When our bodies experience stressors, we produce physical and mental responses to it.

A report on stress from the Cleveland Clinic says “Stress responses help your body adjust to new situations. Stress can be positive, keeping us alert, motivated and ready to avoid danger… But stress becomes a problem when stressors continue without relief or periods of relaxation.”

These negative effects happen because of our physiological response to stress.  Our physiological response to stress comes in two parts.  A fast response and a slow response. The fast response is activated by the secretion of Epinephrine and Norepinephrine, two hormones from the adrenal gland.  This secretion triggers a series of linked reactions from our brain on down to our nerves, muscles and cells.  The abundance of secreted Epinephrine and Norepinephrine bind to certain protein receptors and initiate cellular responses, resulting in the contraction of muscles, including our heart.  The increased heart contractions affect everything from increased blood flow, increased sodium retention and glucose levels among other things. 

The slow response is caused by a physiological chain reaction resulting the release of Cortisol into circulation.  Cortisol, a steroid hormone, gets expressed in the muscles, gastrointestinal tract, heart and parts of the brain.  Cortisol binding proteins then get expressed in the liver, pituitary gland and brain.  This reaction generally affects all systems of the body including cardiovascular, respiratory, endocrine, gastrointestinal, nervous, muscular and reproductive systems. 

The stress response, both immediate and slow, can be very helpful as it triggers our bodies “fight or flight” responses and can get us out of immediate danger.  However, with prolonged and chronic stress, “too much of a good thing” becomes the reality and without proper coping and destressing, can greatly damage every system in our body.

Stress is like a small spark that eventually consumes an entire forest.  One little thing can start it, and if not properly put out, it can grow out of control.  We need healthy and productive ways to calm our stress before it consumes us, so that we can limit the negative affects on our body and mind.

We’ve all heard of different stress and anxiety relievers, from weighted blankets to squishy balls. There are millions of ways and things to do to relieve stress.  In this series of five future blogs, we will explore the physical and emotional relationship during perceived stress and how we can use our five senses to get into a good mental space, therefore reducing the physiological reaction to chronic stress.  We will discuss the subconscious way our senses kick in to calm us and offer suggestions of ways we can actively use our senses to help calm down, relieve stress and keep it together.

MOTHER TRUCKER!!! And the Case of the Stubbed Toe

How to calm down, control your mouth and prevent an unnecessary outburst.

It’s morning.  You’ve gotten yourself and the kids ready and fed.  You’ve finally wrangled them up and got them in the car… you pull out of the driveway and are just putting your foot on the gas when you realize you forgot your phone on the counter next to the coffee pot.  And you’re already running 15 minutes behind.  You forcefully groan to yourself, turn your wheel quickly to pull back into the driveway, hit the brakes a little too hard and throw your car in park.  The driver side door flies open and remains that way as you make a mad dash thru the front door, kicking off your shoes as to not scuff your freshly shined floors.  You grab your phone, and that last swig of coffee in your cup that you hastily left on the counter, you turn to run back to the waiting children in the car when SMACK!!!  Your pinky toe hits the corner of the kitchen island so hard that you KNOW it must have broken because of the unbearable pain.  You stiffen up your entire body and bite your bottom lip as you hold your breath in an effort to not scream, fight back the tears and will away the pain.  As you take your first hobble towards your strewn about shoes, you notice your kid has gotten out of the car and is standing in front of you…whining… because their socks are too itchy…

You’re.        About.       To Lose It.

If it’s not this exact scenario, there has been one like it.  The moment that you are trying to hold it all together, you think you got it… then that final straw piles on and you are about to snap.  Unfortunately, when you do snap and let the words fly out of your mouth, it’s usually directed towards or in the presence of someone who has little, if anything at all, to do with any of the mounted situations that got you to this point.

The easiest thing to do is let it rip. Fly off the handle and let those words come barreling out of your mouth like boulders down the side of mountain, hitting and destroying everything in their path.  But do the bystanders really deserve it?  Do they even deserve to be in the presence of it?  Will you feel a sense of relief after your tirade?  Possibly.  You let out all those built-up frustrations but the guilt and humiliation are very soon to follow. 

So. What do we do in these moments?  In the moments that things just aren’t going right.  The moments that have compounded, one right after another.  The moments that you’re about to cuss, spit out hateful names, say things that you don’t mean and words that you’ll regret?

The most important thing to do is to bring yourself out of the heightened state of panic or stress.  There are many ways of doing this such as tapping on your leg and paying attention to the feeling of it, repeating a calming mantra or just walking away from the situation.

One thing that is helpful is to remember to STEP BACK.  In any stressful situation, remembering these two simple words will allow you to quickly work through your stress and move on in a positive manner.  Just Step Back.

Stop.  Whatever you are doing, or about to do, stop yourself and don’t let it go any further.

Time.  Take a moment. 5 seconds or 5 minutes.  In this scenario, you’re already late. Another 2 minutes to take time to gather yourself isn’t going to matter in the long run.  Just take whatever time you need to calm yourself down.

Emotion.  Recognize your emotion and what got you to this point. Give it validation so you properly deal with it.

Practice compassion.  In this scenario, the child’s sock just isn’t right.  That’s not why you’re ready to snap.  YOU forgot your cell phone. And you know it’s frustrating to go through a whole a day with a sock that just isn’t right.  We’ve all been there.  Practice compassion on others and your attitude can change rather quickly.

Breathe.  Take in calming breaths through your nose and out through your mouth.  One of the best ways to do this correctly for maximum benefits is remember that breathing in should feel like you’re smelling a delicious warm cookie.  Breathe in through your nose, nice and slow, and purposeful.  Now breathe out through your mouth as if you’re cooling off the cookie.  If you do that as little as 3 times, you’ll feel much more calm.

Affirmation.  Any positive affirmation will work.  “I will have a good day.”  “I will not lose my cool.”  “I can keep it together.”  “I am a calm being.”  “I love my children.”  “I think through my problems.”  “I am a warrior.”   Speaking out positivity can neutralize negative thoughts and emotions.

Count.  One of the quickest ways to calm yourself out of doing something you’ll regret is to count.  You can count backwards from 10-1, you can count items you see, things you hear.  A great way to calm yourself down by counting is by tapping fingers while you count 1-5 thumb to pinky, then starting over in the opposite direction but starting with your ring finger and so on; until 1-5 is positioned thumb to pinky again.  It causes you to concentrate on something other than the stressful, compounded issue at hand.  It allows you to get your mind out of the negative head space and focus on something else, giving you pause and the ability to calm down.

Keep it moving.  Once you’ve done what you needed to do to calm down in the situation, just simply keep it moving.   Finish the task at hand.  There may need to be individual situations that you need to deal with but deal with that at another time when you’ve had ample time to give it thought and you’re out of the crisis situation.

Have you had a similar scenario that you could have handled differently?  What could you have done to keep yourself from blowing up?  Keep STEP BACK in mind to handle future compound situations and not say things you don’t mean.

And remember, practice makes perfect.  The more you use coping skills, the more natural they become.

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Everyone has scenarios similar to this one, but are yours more frequent?  Do they happen a few times a week?  Are you incontrollable in these kinds of situations?  Do you lack the ability to pause, remove yourself and control yourself?  Do you not even need a trigger to “blow up”?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, there could be more going on. 

According the Mayo Clinic, Intermittent Explosive Disorder is an impulse control disorder. IED presents itself as hostility, impulsivity and recurrent outbursts with or without provocation and it could require medication and/or therapy.  If you are having recurring outbursts, please contact your physician or mental health care professional. 

Overcoming the Summertime Blues

There are songs written about the joys of summer.  Laundry commercials show people running thru a field of flowers on a bright sunny day.  Social media is ablaze with families enjoying their boats and vacation homes.  We wait nearly 10 months for the hustle and bustle of school mornings to turn into leisurely routines, the homework to end and the freedom of no longer waiting in line during after school pickup.  Grocery shopping is an endless attack of picnics, beach days, camping and cookouts.  Summer is carefree and blissful; filled with fun, sun, family and friends.

But what about when it’s not? What do we do if there’s an overwhelming feeling of loneliness?  What happens when we see others enjoying their summertime activities and it makes us sad?  Summertime Blues is a real thing.  According to the National Alliance on Mental Health, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder effects one percent of all SAD sufferers.  However, you don’t have to have R-SAD to feel the effects of the Summertime Blues.  Psychology Today refers to the research suggestion that the difference in melatonin production, staying up later and the drastic change in temperature could be a few of the reasons we can suffer from a drastic change of mood in the warmer months.

While we know that we can’t change the weather, we can change how we approach the season and how we react to how we feel.  It’s important to make a point to acknowledging your emotions.    Recognize and define the feelings you’re having.  Is it loneliness?  Is it the fear of missing out on something?  Is it just a “blah” feeling?  Now take steps to overcome those feelings and minimize the summertime blues.

Here we have gathered some tips and activities to combat and hopefully eliminate some of those feelings.  Taking into account that it may take physical, mental and spiritual changes or activities to feel more energized, upbeat and happier.  Try a few of our suggestions, or come up with some ideas on your own that help push you in to a happier place!

1)      Outdoor yoga.  Breathe in the fresh air, listen to the sounds around you, feel the warmth of the sun.  Yoga is a practice that helps you calm your mind, meditate and focus on you! This can be very calming, yet at the same time, very energizing and can put you in a great mood for the rest of the day.

2)      Making a summer bucket list.  Write down new activities you want to try, places you want to go, foods you want to eat.  Set an actual date that you can and want to do them on. Then choose which ones you would like company with.  Reach out and invite someone to join you.  This will give you days to look forward to and help increase excitement and joy leading up to the activity.

3)      Make a bedtime and stick to it.  We all tend to stay up later in the summer months because the sun goes down later.  This can throw off our circadian rhythm and we may not be getting the actual amount of sleep we need which greatly affects our mood.  So set your bedtime. And stick to it.

4)      Make your bed! Summer is so easy breezy.  Many people will slack on simple tasks because they “can be done later.”  If you wake up and immediately make your bed then you can already check that off of your to-do list and that feeling of accomplishment can carry you throughout the day making you more productive.  That feeling of accomplishment will make you feel more joyous.

5)      Exercise.  Yes, we hate hearing it sometimes but the old adage is true.  An active body makes a happier mind.  It gets those endorphins pumping, brightening your mood.  So, sign up for that class you’ve been wanting try, go for a jog, take a swim or hit the gym.  Just get moving.

6)      Join a social club.  Whether it be a book club, a biking club, a knitting club, a card club or any other interest you have… there’s likely a club for it.  Find a group of people interested in the same things you are.  It forces you to get out of the house and meet new people while conversing about things that you’re interested in.

7)      Go to church! It doesn’t necessarily need to be church, but dive deeper spiritually.  Connecting and being around like-minded believers, no matter your religion, will help you to have an overwhelming feeling of community, support and joy.

8)      Volunteer.  Redirecting our vision from our own problems to those of others can help put things into perspective and humble ourselves.  Humility and gratitude go a long way in our journey to true happiness.

9)      Be the host.  Whether it’s a small group of 3 or a larger gather of 15-20, choose to host a get together.  Many people wait for the invite and if it doesn’t happen, we can start to feel down and excluded.  The fact is, summertime is a time that everyone is doing something, somewhere.  There just might not be an invitation coming your way because things are out of town or with the other side of the family, etc…  So be the host, be the destination. Enjoy the company and fellowship, and the fact that you made the get-together happen.

10)  Give yourself a break.  Summer is a time when everyone is expected to be happy and full of energy.  If you’re just not there, the pressure to be happy can compact and compound our negative feelings.  So, give yourself a break if you’re feeling down today.  Do little that give you little spurts of joy.   Paint your toes, water your flowers, play with your dog.  Find little ways to energize yourself and be proud of those things.

11)  Give social media a break.  Remove the apps from your phone, shut off notifications, do what you need to do to give yourself a break from social media.  People make their lives look fabulous and happy on social media.  They don’t post the fact that they got into an argument about setting up the tent, that dad burnt the steaks on the grill or that mom didn’t pack anyone’s swimwear.  As much as we don’t recognize it, we are constantly comparing our lives with what we see on social media.  So, give it a break and look for the beauty in the world around you.

12)  Practice positive talk.  What you speak out on a regular basis is what is on the inside of you. If you speak positivity and happiness, you will eventually feel more positive and happier.  Go ahead and try!

When Sounds Become Overwhelming: Exploring Misophonia

Do certain sounds like chewing noises drive you crazy and elicit a negative response from you? If so, you may be experiencing misophonia, a condition characterized by an increased intolerance to specific sounds. Sounds like chewing, crinkling of chip bags, or sniffing are examples of sounds that can trigger misophonia. Understanding and identifying this condition can help individuals better cope with their reactions to certain sounds.

Solia Vitoratou and his colleagues conducted a study to investigate the prevalence, triggers, and emotional responses associated with misophonia in the general population. The study sample comprised 768 participants from the UK. Of the participants, 13.6% were aware of the term misophonia, and 2.3% self-identified as having the condition. To explore the emotional responses of individuals with misophonia, the authors conducted interviews and provided questionnaires to a subset of 29 self-identified individuals and 29 individuals from the general sample pool. The authors found that 18% of the total sample exhibited significant symptoms of misophonia, with the behavior response being a heightened sense of irritation, feeling trapped or helpless when exposed to sound triggers. Many of them also reported that they have experienced negative self-talk and self-blame for their strong reactions that would cause them to miss out on activities due to the impact of the sound. 

This study holds significant importance as it sheds light on misophonia which helps raise awareness about this condition. Often, individuals experiencing misophonia feel isolated, believing that something is wrong with them and that there is no remedy. This study provides reassurance that such individuals are not alone, and that they can learn to cope with their condition. If you suspect that you might have misophonia, it is recommended to seek the help of a mental health provider who can offer treatment and support to help you better manage and alleviate the symptoms of misophonia. This can be an essential step towards feeling less isolated and more equipped to handle the challenges associated with this condition.

References:

Neuroscience News. “Nearly 1 in 5 Adults May Have Misophonia, Experiencing Significant Negative Responses to Sounds.” Neuroscience News, Press Office, 23 Mar. 2023, https://neurosciencenews.com/misophonia-neuroscience-22851/.

The Five Stages of Grief: Helpful Tool or Harmful Myth?

The five stages of grief model, popularized by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, has become a widely recognized framework for understanding the grieving process. However, While the model has been helpful to many people in coping with loss, its interpretation has also led to harmful misconceptions. Specifically, the model is often misunderstood as a factual representation of how all types of grief works, rather than as a tool for reflection and self-awareness. This misunderstanding can lead to unrealistic expectations about the grieving process and lead to unrealistic expectations about the grieving process as well as make them feel as if they are failing if they are not experiencing the stages in a particular order or timeframe. Today, we will explore the actual purpose behind the making of the five stages model. Let;s take a quick look at the five stages of grief model. 

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

The model of grief was not based on all types of grief. In fact, it was based on Kubler-Ross’s interviews with terminally ill patients and was intended to describe how people come to terms with their own approaching death.The model was also created to be in no particular order. Grief can be complex, therefore Kubler-Ross emphasized that the process did not necessarily occur in this particular order.  However, when the model was popularized a common misconception spread that this was applicable to all types of grief. The problem with this is that grief comes in many different forms, and the five stages model is not necessarily applicable to all of them. For example, the grief experienced after a sudden loss of a loved one may not follow the same trajectory as the grief experienced by someone who has had time to prepare their own death. Additionally, the accepting stage may not be applicable to those who are dealing with loss. The focus should be healing instead of acceptance. Therefore, it is important to recognize the limitations of this model and to approach grief with an open mind, recognizing that everyone’s experience is unique. 

This model still works as a blueprint of understanding for those who are experiencing or have someone close to them experiencing a loss. It does a great job of communicating the different emotions that might occur during the process of grief. However, by acknowledging the history and the target audience of the grief model as well as understanding that the grief of loss is unpredictable, people might feel less limited to the structure of the model that may not even apply to them. Your grief journey will be personal, but remember that as you grieve you heal.

Reference:

Davis, Deborah L. “Stages of Grief: The Harmful Myth That Refuses to Die.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 17 Mar. 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/202303/stages-of-grief-the-harmful-myth-that-refuses-to-die. 

Timeboxing: The Alternative To-Do List Method Used by Successful People

Are you having a hard time finishing your tasks and finding motivation to stay productive? Jay Shetty has an alternative method that might work for you. Jay Shetty, a former monk and now life coach, shared that most successful people do not utilize to-do lists, instead they schedule their tasks to maintain productivity. This method is known to be called “timeboxing” where your tasks are organized in a calendar format with designated times for them.  

Here is how timeboxing can be set up. You can set up your calendar weekly or even monthly, depending how far in advance you have knowledge of your routines. Visualize all the tasks you need to complete for the next week. Estimate the amount of time each task will take, and start scheduling it in your calendar. Say you want to clean your living space next week and you estimate it will take about two hours, designate two hours of cleaning in your schedule for next week. Since there is an allotted time for each task, you might not be able to complete the task and that is okay. In fact, that is the key to being productive. If you dedicate time to work on a task every day, you will have no problem meeting deadlines and will have a less stressful experience than completing it in one sitting. This also allows you to step away if the task at hand is stressful and can help you get back to it another day with a more clear mind. The habit to be less hard on yourself will also start forming, as finding motivation will not be a problem. If you find that the time limit you set for a task is not enough, learn to expand and adjust your schedule as you see fit. The more you practice your schedule, the more accurate your time estimations will be. Additionally, contrary to typical to-do lists, timeboxing does not feel overwhelming. To-do lists tend to feel like a never ending list of tasks that have to be completed with little to no organization. This is why we suggest timeboxing as an alternative, since it creates structure and stability.

If, however, seeing the tasks checked off of the to-do list provides a sense of satisfaction that timeboxing does not recreate, consider having a “done list”. Alongside your schedule, you can have a separate section that lists every task you were able to complete as a way to reward your accomplishments. This is a form of cognitive reappraisal, a way to reframe a situation in a more positive perspective. Therefore, utilizing a “done list” and timeboxing together is highly recommended!

Reference:

Piñon, Natasha. “Former Monk Jay Shetty Says 'Most Successful, Productive People Don't Use to-Do Lists'-What He Does Instead.” CNBC, CNBC, 3 Mar. 2023, https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/03/former-monk-jay-shetty-why-timeboxing-works-better-than-to-do-lists.html.

Exploring the Benefits of Coffee

With an estimate of about 80% of adult consumption worldwide, coffee is the most consumed beverage around the world. From its rich history dating back centuries, it has continued to be a cultural staple throughout the world. Not only is coffee best known for its aroma and flavor, it is also recognized by its stimulating effects on the brain and body. This has led to an ongoing debate about the health benefits of coffee consumption. Some studies have suggested that coffee may have a positive effect on health, including reducing the risks of certain diseases. Other studies,however, challenge these findings by suggesting that coffee may have a negative impact on cardiovascular diseases. By investigating both the benefits and the risks, we will learn that consuming coffee is beneficial if consumed in moderation. 

Coffee is a beverage made from processed and roasted coffee cherry plant seeds that have been ground. Studies have shown that the ground coffee seeds contain numerous vitamins, nutrients and minerals such as Vitamin B2, B3, B5, magnesium, potassium, manganese, folate, choline and sodium. It is also rich in antioxidants such as polyphenols and hydrocinnamic acid, which are recognized for their ability to lower inflammation and guard against illnesses. Consuming coffee can also be a great way to incorporate protein intake through milk or a milk substitution addition. Additionally, coffee is also a psychostimulant. According to research, coffee has been found to enhance alertness, elevate mood, and reduce the likelihood of depression. It also aids in both basic and intricate attention as well as working memory. Studies have shown that long-term caffeine consumption may have a positive impact on brain and cognitive health. A study by Donald Hensrud in Mayo Clinic, suggested that coffee reduces risks of Parkinon’s disease, type 2 diabetes, liver disease, heart attacks, and strokes He also showed that coffee was a great contender for weight management, as long as the beverages were not consumed with a surplus of sugar and heavy cream.

Despite research indicating potential benefits of coffee consumption, there is still ongoing debate regarding the maximum amount that can be consumed per day before it may have adverse effects on health. Some studies have presented the limitation of 400mg per day as any additional quantity may cause potential lethality to arrhythmias and myocardial infarction.  On the contrary, other research has stated that caffeine may not be harmful as long as it does not exceed 5 cups per day. 

Coffee is a widely consumed beverage that is currently still in the midst of an ongoing debate about its health benefits. While some studies have shown that caffeine intake can prevent cognitive decline and brain degenerative diseases, other studies have shown that overconsumption can impact cardiovascular health negatively. Nevertheless, it is highly encouraged for daily coffee drinkers to listen to their bodies and drink in moderation to reap the benefits without any adverse effects. Understand what the tolerance level of your body may be and drink intuitively so that you may lead a balanced lifestyle. 

References:

Koltuska-Haskin, Barbara. “Is Coffee Good for Our Bodies and Brains?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 22 Feb. 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/how-my-brain-works/202302/is-coffee-good-for-our-bodies-and-brains. 

It is Okay to be Sad

In our society, there is a tendency to view sadness as an adverse emotion. It is not commonly embraced and often, only positive sentiments are encouraged. Yet, sadness is one of the fundamental pillars of human emotion, alongside anger, fear, and happiness. The human experience does not exclude the negative emotions, it encompasses the full range of emotions. It is imperative to acknowledge that sadness is a natural aspect of life. In fact, embracing and expressing sadness can be beneficial to our well-being. 

Sadness can play a critical role in identifying our individual needs. However, due to societal attitudes towards this emotion, it is commonly camouflaged as anger. In order to gain a deeper understanding of the root cause of the anger, it is essential to take a step and uncover the underlying factors that may have contributed to it. If the reaction of anger was caused by sadness, we need to ask ourselves what caused that emotion of sadness. Asking the question, “What does it mean for me when (insert an action, words, or behavior that elicited sadness)?” can be an invaluable tool to gain insight into our thought pattern and allow us to get a better understanding of ourselves. 

It is also important to recognize the significance of acknowledging the sadness of others and being present to experience it with them. Many have a habit of trying to find a silver lining to the person’s situation in order to lift their spirits. This may have the opposite effect of what you were trying to achieve, as it may lead the person to feel that their sadness is not valid or that it is unwelcomed. By being present and experiencing their emotions with them, we demonstrate our compassion and empathy, which can contribute to a sense of support and connection. By creating a safe and supportive environment for others, we can foster a profound sense of community and empathy not only within our own circle of friends and family, but also within our society. 

By acknowledging our own sadness, we demonstrate to ourselves and those around us that sadness is a natural part of the human experience. Being a good role model for your children or the next generation involves showing and accepting sadness as a valid emotion. To be human, is to embrace all of the emotions, the good and sad. It can contribute to a greater sense of self and can personal and interpersonal growth. The next time you find yourself struggling with the emotion of sadness, just remember, it is okay to be sad.

References:

Beaumont, Atalanta. “Why It's Good to Feel Sad.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 2 Sept. 2016, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/handy-hints-humans/201609/why-its-good-feel-sad.

Pawleski, Suzie Pileggi, and James Pawelski. “Why Allowing Ourselves to Be Sad Is Important for Well-Being.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 14 Feb. 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-together/202302/why-allowing-ourselves-to-be-sad-is-important-for-well-being.

Strategies for Dealing with Envy

Envy is one of the more infamous vices that can lead people to act destructively towards both others and themselves. It can be an unpredictable emotion that appears when one least expects it. However, once felt, it can consume your thoughts and your mind. This negative feeling can be overwhelming and can influence your life negatively. In order to prevent the feeling of jealousy, it is important to understand its psychology as well as nature. 

There are many situations where envy can be commonly felt. Research has shown that about 75 percent of the American workforce has experienced career envy. Many people have admitted to feeling envy over what their coworkers might have accomplished at work or over a job title. They covet what is not theirs and what they personally feel should have been theirs. Studies have also shown that envy displays differently across both genders. Women tend to have feelings of envy over appearances and popularity. Meanwhile, men display such feelings for status items and financial resources. 

Envy is not without consequences and can impact someone’s life negatively. . It can lead to poor decisions which can ruin careers as well as interpersonal relationships. Envy can also be a distraction. Some people can be too focused on what it is that others possess that they feel entitled to. This can cause them to lose motivation on personal growth and performance. It can prevent people from moving forward. Instead, they will be stuck in a mindset where negativity and envy is at the center of it. 

There are many strategies that can be used to avoid and prevent envy. 

1. Practice a grateful mindset. Be appreciative of what you already have. Focus on yourself and build your confidence. Show yourself compassion. This will allow you to accept other’s success as well as your own. 

2. Reduce comparisons. Do not compare yourself to others. Instead, reflect on your past and current self. Use yourself as motivation and appreciation for how far you have come.

3. Perspective is key. Success is relative. Not everyone is perfect and nobody has everything. Just because that one person has experienced success in one aspect of their life, it does mean that their life is perfect overall. We are all humans. 

4. Separate the person from their success. What is it that you are envious of? Is it something they possess or is it the person themselves. There is a difference between the two. Try to understand the differentiation in order to avoid resenting the person for something they cannot control.

Envy can be a monster, but you have the power to not let it consume you. By practicing these strategies and showing yourself compassion, you can overcome the initial bouts of jealousy and live your life for yourself. 

Reference: 

Walsh, Nuala. “6 Simple Strategies to Neutralize Envy.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 30 Jan. 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/decisions-that-matter/202301/6-simple-strategies-to-neutralize-envy. 

How to Self-Soothe

Self-soothing is a crucial skill for managing stress and anxiety. When faced with an extremely stressful situation, you may feel the urge to ignore or get rid of the feeling. Instead, by self-soothing, you can face your feelings by providing comfort for yourself and calm your mind in the moment. An effective way to do this is to utilize what you already have, your senses. 

The first step to self-soothing is to acknowledge your emotions. Label your feelings with a name so that you can provide yourself with more clarity with what you are experiencing. If your feelings are muddled, make sense of them by pinpointing the different feelings (eg. fear, stress, anger). Once you have identified what it is that you are feeling, notice where your body feels it. Is it in your stomach? Are your hands shaking? Is your shoulder tense? Once you have identified the location of where that labeled feeling makes you physically feel, you can start to focus on which one of your senses may be the most useful in calming yourself down. Here are a couple of ways you can use your senses to self-soothe:

1. Sounds: Use sounds that can relax you or give you peace. This can be natural sounds such as rain, or even your favorite singer. When you start to recognize a pattern of particular sounds or songs that calm you down, start to compile a playlist. Additionally, visualizing the sound itself can also help comfort you. Think of your favorite serene noises and you can find yourself relaxing

2. Sight: Surround yourself with sights that inspire feelings of tranquility. Study has shown that regular walks and the scenery of nature can improve mood, even if they are just pictures. If the flickering candle provides you a sense of peace, light the candle! 

3. Touch: Grab a soft cushion and either hug it or wrap yourself in it. The texture and the warmth of the blanket can be very comforting. You can even use objects like a smooth stone to soothe yourself. By focusing on the texture, temperature, and weight of an object, you shift your focus from the negative thoughts. Self-touch can also be a great source of self-soothing, as it can reduce cortisol responses to stress.

4. Smell: Think of your favorite relaxing scents. Wear your favorite perfume or cologne if that scent is attached to a comforting memory. Bake or cook your favorite food. You can even use an oil diffuser. 

5. Taste: Your taste can be utilized in the same method as your sense of touch. You can focus on the textures of food or even certain flavors of them. A hot drink, such as an herbal tea can also be a source of comfort. \

Overall, using your five senses to self-soothe is a simple yet effective way to manage your stress and anxiety. You can create an environment of comfort which allows you to shift your focus away from your stressors, and instead, on how your body feels in the present moment. Next time you feel that you are becoming overwhelmed, give these techniques a try!

Reference:

Lancaster, Vanessa. “How to Self Soothe Using Your 5 Senses.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 19 Jan. 2023, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/not-where-i-want-to-be-in-life/202301/how-to-self-soothe-using-your-5-senses.

How Do I Create and Stick to a Daily Routine?

Research has shown that establishing a daily routine can help individuals feel more grounded and in control. A consistent schedule can be immensely beneficial for those who struggle with depression or even a sense of hopelessness in their lives. Despite the positive outcome, many people claim that the initial action of creating a routine causes stress and anxiety. This is understandable, since the process can be intimidating, especially when individuals struggle with gaining motivation.  In order to make that process more approachable, here are several strategies that may help you create and commit to a realistic daily schedule.

1. Start with anchor habits: An anchor habit is a low risk habit that you have set for a particular time of the day where there is likely 0 chance you’ll skip it. For example, an anchor habit will be to schedule a lunch break at a certain time. If your anchor habit is to have lunch at 12pm no matter what, it will allow you to create a schedule around it. If the habit is consistent enough, people around you will pick up on it and know that you will not be available then. The anchor habit can also already be something that is part of your daily routine that you have not noticed yet. If you have kids and drop them off to school or have a dog and take them out for a walk at a certain time, that is your anchor habit. You do not have to create an anchor habit, especially one that may be difficult to stick to, such as working out. A low risk habit that you already do day to day, can be a wonderful starting point for your routine. 

2. Be consistent for 3 months: When you apply your habits regularly for a duration of 3 months, it will become automatic. By being consistent with where you perform your habit and how, your body will naturally adjust to it and it will become a mindless task. 

3. Join a community: Find a community that also practices the same habits you do in order to motivate you and hold you accountable. Utilize the many social media platforms available and interact with them. Some communities have scheduled group activities that can be incorporated into your daily or weekly routine. If you are interested in gardening, join a gardening club and use their tips and tricks to motivate your daily gardening routine.

4. Incorporate a reward: Not only should you reward yourself by making routines fun, the routines themselves can be a reward as well. If you enjoy looking at houses, you can incorporate that hobby into your walks by walking in a beautiful neighborhood. If you are a music or movie snob, you can include that into your workout routine. It’s important to create joy in your day to day life and incorporating a reward can make your daily life more vibrant!

5. Use tools, but do not rely on them: Sometimes people struggle to even find the motivation to execute some habits. In those cases, it may be useful to include a tool that can provide excitement to do said habits. If buying a smooth fine point gel pen sparks eagerness to start journaling, purchase it. 

6. Practice positive thinking: Although many routines may seem like an inconvenience at the moment, try maintaining a positive mindset. Instead of having a thought process starting with “I have to_”, try switching to “I get to_”. By practicing this positive attitude, you will approach each habit with either a neutral and productive mindset. 

By applying these strategies, you will discover that creating a daily routine is easier than it seems. Keep in mind that it is also okay to adjust your schedule to the events in your life. Not every day is the same, and there might be moments in your life that prevent you from having a consistent routine. However, if you have already practiced these strategies in the past, it is much easier to incorporate them back into your life and create yet another beneficial daily routine. 

Reference: 

Boyes, Alice. “How to Stick to a Daily Schedule.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 28 Dec. 2022, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202212/how-to-stick-to-a-daily-schedule. 

Artificial Sweetener Can Cause Anxiety?

In a new study, researchers at Florida State University College of Medicine discovered that aspartame, a common artificial sweetener, has been linked to cause anxiety. The researchers were at first interested in previous research by the Bhide lab about transgenerational effects of nicotine on mice. Researchers at Bhide lab discovered that nicotine affected mice sperm cells, causing the body to read DNA sequences differently. This study inspired the researchers to look into the effects of artificial sweeteners.

Aspartame is an official sweetener used in many food and beverages since it provides more sweetness for less quantity when compared to sugar. It was approved by the FDA in 1981 and now about 3,000- 5,000 metric tons are being consumed each year. When aspartame is ingested, it becomes aspartic acid, phenylalanine, and methanol, all which impact the central nervous system negatively. 

In the study, they had the mice ingest the aspartame by placing it in their drinking water. The dosage of their aspartame was 15% of the FDA-approved maximum daily intake for humans. The quantity was equivalent to 6 to 8 8-ounce cans of diet soda a day. The duration for this study was 12 weeks during a course of 4 years. 

As a result, they observed anxiety-like behaviors when the mice consumed aspartame. Once diazepam was administered, a common medication for anxiety, the behaviors of anxiety ceased. Additionally, much to the researcher’s surprise, they discovered that the anxiety phenotype from male mice who were exposed to aspartame, were found in the next two generations of their descendants. 

Doctors mainly focused on how aspartame can lead to weight gain and health risks, but through this study we see how it can also be a risk for mental health. It has been recommended to monitor the quantity of aspartame consumption in daily life as it can not only affect you, but also your offsprings. 

References:

“Common Sweetener Linked to Increased Anxiety in Mice.” Neuroscience from Technology Networks, Florida State University, 9 Dec. 2022, https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/news/common-sweetener-linked-to-increased-anxiety-in-mice-368325.

Jones SK, McCarthy DM, Vied C, Stanwood GD, Schatschneider C, Bhide PG. Transgenerational transmission of aspartame-induced anxiety and changes in glutamate-GABA signaling and gene expression in the amygdala. PNAS. 2022;119(49):e2213120119. doi: 10.1073/pnas.2213120119

How Do I Comfort A Loved One?

The American Psychological Association stated that 27% of Americans have reported that they are so stressed out that they are unable to function. Stress can be debilitating since it affects mental and physical health. Although not everyone struggles from stress, you may know at least one person in your life who struggles from it. One of the most important ways you can show support for a loved one is to provide comfort. By showing up for them, it can improve their day and prevent feelings of loneliness. Providing comfort may not come naturally to many. For those wondering where to start, here are 9 suggestions that might inspire you on different ways to show support for a loved one.

1. Perhaps the most important way to comfort a friend is to invite a friend to meet up. Whether it's for a meal or for coffee, the act of meeting up with a friend can make them feel cared for and less lonely. During your interaction, take the time to acknowledge the hardship they are going through. This will create a safe space for them to speak about their experience if they wish. Be an active listener as they speak. 

2. Write a letter or a card acknowledging their loss or hardship. A tangible object regarding your sympathies will let them know the effort you put into expressing your feelings of solidarity. It can be a validating experience for them.

3. Invite your friend to enjoy nature with you. Nature is the third most popular way to relieve stress and a private walk looking at the beautiful scenery might be a therapeutic experience.

4. Provide the opportunity to partake in fun diversions. Invite your friend to watch a movie or to a concert. By having engaging activities, big or small, it allows the friend to get their mind off of the stressor and enjoy a moment of happiness.

5. Create a music playlist for them. Find songs that your friend might enjoy or compile songs that you think they would resonate with and send it to them. This is a great way to let them know that you are thinking of them.

6. Gift them something handmade. Investing your time and energy into a handmade gift would be a great way to express your support, lift your friend up and empower them to overcome their stressors.

7. Surprise them with a home delivery. Whether it's flowers or food, a home delivery can make your friend feel cared for and it might brighten their day.

8. Text your friend or send them a card expressing how much you love and care for them. Your touching message might just be the thing your friend needed to hear.

9. Gift your friend a self-care day. This can be a massage, a spa-day, or anything that promotes relaxation and self-care.

Giving comfort to those you care about may also bring yourself comfort. To know that someone you love is cared for may help keep your mind at rest. An act of kindness can change the trajectory of someone’s life as well as your own. 

Reference:

Walker, Van. “12 Ways to Comfort Friends Who've Had a Rough Year.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 9 Dec. 2022, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/400-friends-who-can-i-call/202212/12-ways-comfort-friends-whove-had-rough-year.